All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you sir. So happy February 29th. It’s a date that only happens once every four years. It reminds me to change my sheets. Now, it’s often said that life is like a crap sandwich. The more bread you have, the less crap you gotta eat. But in Gavin Newsom’s California, they mean it literally. California recently passed a law mandating a higher minimum wage for fast food restaurants, raising it from 16 to 20 bucks an hour. But it offers an odd exemption for chains that bake bread and sell it as a standalone item. 

Hmhm why? What difference does that make? Why shouldn’t a restaurant/bakery be subject to the same laws as everybody else? Is the bakers union that powerful? If you cross them, will you wind up with the Pillsbury Doughboy’s head in your bed? No one will say. But according to a new Bloomberg News report, Newsom pushed for the bread exemption to help a long time campaign donor, billionaire Greg Flynn, who happens to own a bunch of Panera Bread. I know you know Panera. 


It’s the sort of place you go to when the other option is a vending machine, one that only sells banana chips. No one seems to be there by choice, and no one there looks very happy. It’s as if the DMV had a cafeteria. And what’s up with those massive bread bowls? I think that’s where Dana Perino goes hot tubbing. Now the new law is called the Fast Food Accountability and Standards Act, or FAST, and it’s aptly named because it will cause more businesses to flee the state faster than a Taco Bell chalupa soaring out of your resentful butthole. You got to use that word once a year.

TYRUS: Setting the tone Gutfeld.

Yeah. Thank you. So it’s the scientific term. Apparently, the baked bread exemption has puzzled observers for months, but Newsom told reporters it’s just part of the “sausage-making of politics.” So what’s that mean, sausage-making? We know it has nothing to do with Gavin cooking, he prefers dining out, especially when everyone else is locked down under threat of arrest. 

The phrase refers to the unpleasant way in which a process is carried out behind the scenes. When someone says you don’t want to know how the sausage is made. It’s usually referring to something gross, like actually making sausage or using the skin for Jerry Nadler’s tummy tuck to make a parachute. Oh, but also it’s how politics is done. Gavin spoke the truth, when he makes sausage, he means making deals for his donor pals so they’re exempt from the rules that he enforces on others. It’s the whole reason why people like Gavin get into politics, and why billionaires remain friends with people like Gavin. 


So they’re immune from the political punishment they actually support. It’s funny how Democrats really hate billionaires, except when they don’t. Now, Flynn says the law would kill the franchising business in California, but says he played no role in creating the exemption. But according to Bloomberg, Flynn quietly lobbied Newsom’s aides to reconsider whether Panera should be considered fast food. 

So now, out of all the fast food tycoons in the state, he doesn’t need to worry about it. It’s nice to have friends in high places like Gavin Newsom, who’s really just a wannabe Jesse Waters, but with real hair. Meanwhile, almost every other fast food place will suffer. McDonald’s can’t just start browning loaves of dough to claim an exemption. It’s predicted that Mickey D’s could lose $250,000 per location per year. Sadly, the only thing getting baked at McDonald’s will be the owners when they see their profits. 

Meanwhile, Chipotle is planning to raise prices too. True, it’s getting more and more expensive just to have diarrhea. It’s how I keep slim. But they all need to raise prices because that’s how it works. When you make it more expensive for a business to operate, the business passes that extra expense onto the consumer, or else they’d go out of business. Which ultimately doesn’t matter because the elites are safe. Remember, laws are for the little people, and if you don’t like it, get richer friends. So they pass stupid laws to break your business while giving their big shot friends all the breaks. But this also shows you how minimum wage hikes are harder to sustain than an erection while watching “The View.”


TYRUS: That’s that’s true.

It is true.

TYRUS: That is true. Cannot be done.

Thank you. You are a sophisticated crowd. But there’s such bad ideas, even billionaires have to call in favors to get around them. Meanwhile, consumers end up with higher prices, workers lose jobs, and elites argue over the meaning of baked goods. Marie Antoinette famously said, let them eat cake. But unlike her, Gavin’s head won’t fit in a guillotine. Again, these are the same jackasses who let shoplifting run rampant. Then blame the businesses for fleeing and they already are fleeing. And this new law won’t help.

Meanwhile, Newsom lurks outside the White House like a greedy relative in the parking lot of a hospice. Maybe, maybe he is the perfect replacement for Joe. Just like him, the corruption is baked right in.