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Greg Gutfeld: Long Trump derangement syndrome is driving the media’s polarization

Here we are once again. Happy Wednesday, everyone. We no longer call it Hump Day, after that chat with human resources. But what a treat to have you here. The wonderful Patti Ann Browne is back, look at her huh. She looks sweet. Security is supposed to stop her at the door. But who could say no to that smile? So is our friend from Alaska, Jamie Lissow. Sarah Palin once said of Jamie’s career, “I can’t see it from my house or anybody else’s.” 

So what was one of the most repeated phrases in the last few years to describe America other than “China’s b—-“? How about “polarized”? Every expert and media crank claims we were at each other’s throats. And maybe it’s true, if you’re on a New York City subway or worse, married to this. [Photo of Hillary Clinton] But for the most part, if you go to the gym, the supermarket or the park, anywhere Jayme Lissow sleeps, you’ll see people getting along. 

A DEEPLY POLARIZED AMERICA IS UNITED IN ITS “DISDAIN AND TRUST” OF THE MEDIA: TREY GOWDY

Americans pretty much get by on the universal belief, “leave me alone, unless I ask for help and I will do the same.” It’s the same words Kat says to her tapeworm. Yes, we know your secret. So why the perception that we hate each other? Well, the belief comes from the top of a dung pile 50-feet high. The press, which is the least popular thing since Ben and Jerry’s Chunks of Squirrel ice cream, they churn out conflict to drive ratings and keep the population anxious, so they seek out even more conflict. They can take a mass shooting and make it last for weeks, creating copycat mass shootings that feel less like news and more like a ten part miniseries. 

They can take a very confusing veteran’s bill and turn it into a fight between people who love veterans and people who want them to die. Of course, it’s false, but entertaining, as every story becomes a fight between two idea prisons and no one bothers to read the bill, including me. And now a new study from the University of Pennsylvania finds that cable news is more polarized today than in the last ten years. How is that even possible, right? Members of the Crips and Bloods look at us and go “geez, chill out, my brothers.” They do. I’m tight with them. Which means it’s time for…

ANNOUNCER: Greg’s quiz: Lettered for your convenience.

So this polarization in the media, the researchers claim that it really exploded after: A) the election of Donald Trump, B) the election of Donald Trump, C) all of the above, D) eggs? Apparently you know the answer. Researchers examined guests who appeared on a channel and rated them on a bias scale based on their political beliefs, their contributions and their findings. 

FOX NEWS CRUSHES CNN, MSNBC VIEWERSHIP DURING SECOND QUARTER AS ‘THE FIVE’ MAKES HISTORY

Well, get this. That our guests are way more attractive. Yeah, no surprise. I mean, compare and contrast, right? Hard to believe they’re brothers, actually it’s father-son. I don’t know what I’m saying, but they didn’t publish that information, so I’m just guessing. But they found that Fox News leaned more conservative. I know you’re all in shock right now, huh? Let’s roll tape of one of our faithful viewers hearing this.

VIDEO

That’s the best trick ever. Yeah, stop the presses, wait Grandma, dig up Gramps. Tell Mike Lindell to put down his My Pillow. Turns out we aren’t liberals. But they also found that MSNBC and CNN are much more left wing than ever, with CNN really going bonkers, surpassing the usually far nuttier MSNBC. And this move became way more pronounced after Trump won. 

Well, that’s great detective work, guys. This is like an episode of The Dumbest Forensic Files. How did you piece this complicated puzzle together? Was it when Trump’s win left the media crying like strippers when Hunter’s credit card was declined? Shocked by that photo.

Now, let’s be clear, when they say networks split from one another after the election, that’s B.S. We were far from being on the same page, prior to Trump, they always presented a uniformly left wing opinion, no matter what we did. And the polarization wasn’t about competing narratives, it was about a single poll, the libs, having to now compete against a new poll, us. And the new poll that simply represented opinions of viewers instead of anchors. They didn’t like that. They were so used to telling people what to think that they forgot how to listen. And then they forgot how to think. Which is why we pounded them like the end of a ketchup bottle. Which makes it harder to remove. 

Anyway. To discover this now is idiotic. And also they’re comparing apples to oranges or rather apples to Don Lemons, little wordplay there P.A.B. I bet you missed some of that. They compared our opinion folks, to their anchors like Anderson Cooper. Don’t they see how off that is? You know, Tucker does commentary, you know that I do commentary, and Brett, Hemmer and that other guy on the weekends, they do news, you know, when they aren’t doing boatloads of ketamine. How do you think they’re so perky at that hour? 

But CNN acts as though what they spew is news when it’s almost 90% commentary, that’s how arrogant they are. They really believe that even their opinion is fact, but they never say commentary, that would require self-awareness and the closest they came to that was Chris Cuomo oiling up his own pecs. I stopped doing it for him. But this new research is valuable because it shows you where the division is coming from, the news divisions. It’s not us. We just want everyone to have a good time. After all, I’m not just the king of late night. I’m the Rodney King of late night, right? And what did he say? Why can’t we all just get along? So amidst all this divisive chaos. Don’t forget it ain’t us. Like long COVID, it’s long Trump derangement syndrome. And until they come up with a vaccine for that, it’s going to get worse.

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