GREG GUTFELD: This may be the greatest ongoing parody since the Biden presidency

Happy Tuesday. It’s great to be back. Did you miss me? Huh? Yeah. Well, you know who I missed more. 

VIDEO SKIT: If it happens up there, we report down here. You’re watching Gazoombagate: Canada 2023. Week 51. The Resurracktion. 

Oh, yeah man. This is awesome. You thought this saga and the sagging was over? Sorry. Gazoombagate – it’s back. Our coverage of a teacher so busty that he needed three mirrors to see his own feet. When this large boobed creature lays down, people thought a camel died. Mushrooms started growing in their shade. Here’s a trip down mammary lane.

‘GUTFELD!’ FLASHBACK: She was once a he began identifying as female last year and started wearing massive prosthetic breasts to class. The school board still stands behind the teacher. No other choice. In the unlikely event of a water emergency landing, your shop teacher could be used as a flotation device. The shop teacher was recently pictured in all her immense boobery skydiving. This story is getting bigger and bouncier. I may go to my grave never knowing the real story behind those Titanic ****. But I’d rather die seeking the truth than live in the shadows. 


He is gorgeous over time. So, Kayla. Kayla is back. But it’s not the old Kayla we came to know and love. It’s a new one. A male one. Uh-huh. You know what I’m thinkin’? The old one, the real one, is back. And so the students at Nora Frances Henderson Secondary School in Hamilton, Ontario. Can you get a longer name, please? They just got their first lesson in gender idiocy taught by the man himself, Kerry Luc Lemieux. And the lesson is this: That in order to expose bad ideas like gender belief, sometimes you have to amplify them to the point of absurdity. 

Last week, Tyrus reported the Canadian teacher, a.k.a. K-Cup, had transferred schools. Well, today was the start of the new school year at Kayla’s new school. He arrived with a police escort and without the gigantic prosthetics. He also donned a 5:00 shadow. But despite this, the media still keeps calling him a her. A she. But we won’t. A 5:00 shadow at eight in the morning? You’re not getting that from a chick unless you’re having breakfast with Joy Behar. 

Yeah. Always the killer. So despite Kayla’s denials, all the signs point to the fact that Kayla was always a man named Kerry all along. And we knew that when we heard he could parallel park. 

GRAPHIC: A sexist would say! 

Yeah, but we always knew there was something more to this than a case of gigantomastia. I had that once, but not there. It’s funny. The New York Times got Pulitzers for being dead wrong on the Russian collusion hoax, and we nailed this story from the get-go and kept on it for a year. And I don’t even get an NPR tote bag. But I hate to say I told you so. Actually, I love saying I told you so. It’s my new favorite thing to say after I’m here for my prostate exam. Because if I’ve been right then this was the greatest punk since I promised the staff a Christmas bonus. I gave them all copies of Kilmeade’s last book. As you know, I’ve been watching this teacher closely with a lot of skepticism and hand cream. 

Don’t judge. Meanwhile, the Canadian government was too stupid and too terrified by the progressive scolds to notice the obvious – that Kerry was running a long con on everybody. This was one prank that wasn’t a bust. So what’s his point? Or should I say points? Hmm. Possibly to show just how ridiculous pronouns and gender as belief ideology have become. Have you noticed, by the way, that an obsession with jumping between genders isn’t quite as prominent in the rest of the world? You know, where people worry more about staying alive? In lots of countries, Kayla would be ridiculed for making children hopeful that they’d get milk. 

Truth is, it’s not even prominent in most of Canada. They got real problems like the creepiest prime minister on earth. Once again, I want you to look closely at that picture. It’s not just the blackface that’s disturbing. What’s with the tongue on his right? Your left. Whose tongue does that belong to? Could it be Kerry’s? As in Kerry the teacher, not John Kerry. 

But the fact is, an interest in transitioning up there is about as common as a full set of teeth on a goalie. And in America. Same here. The only people interested are the dumb, the easily scared, the easily tricked and adolescent suckers for attention, as well as their virtue-signaling parents in our universities and media in Hollywood, the land of vapid virtue-signaling scum. Nothing restores winning self-worth like accessorizing yourself with children you pump full of hormones and idiotic beliefs. It’s this decades’ adopting African orphans. So your agent’s not calling you anymore? The season’s big charity events are going on without you? 

Well, buy your eight-year-old son a low-cut dress and a pair of ****. Yeah. Now, do I know that this is Lemieux’s point? I don’t. Neither version of him will call us back. I feel like I’m in high school again trying to get a prom date. He won’t pick up. And it’s possible that his new school actually had laid down the law and told him he had to leave the fake body parts behind. But whatever his motivation, his disappearing inflatable boobs showed the world how many real boobs there are in government and in schools. This might have been the greatest ongoing parody since the Biden presidency.

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