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‘Gutfeld!’ on Biden saying MAGA is a threat

This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld!” on September 19, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: All right. Happy Monday, everybody. Ah, good to see you all. I’m lying. So, all is white. I mean, right in Martha’s Vineyard again.


GUTFELD: It was a close one. After a frightening interaction with 50 happy migrants, the brave citizens of the rich liberal enclave handled the monumental crisis by calling in the National Guard and shipping them off to an Air Force base.

But damn, Trump didn’t even call in the guard when cities were burning to the ground. And here they’re called in for 50 migrants. But I get it. You know, what if somebody wanted to use the bathroom? Oh, and they’ll probably want some food, right? A glass of water. We don’t want that. So within 48 hours, those migrants were off Martha’s Vineyard faster than a Kennedy fleeing a submerged vehicle.


GUTFELD: I know. They get away with it. They always get away with it. So they rejected the migrants the same way they reject giant turbine windmills that disturb their views. It’s another liberal wet dream that exposed their hypocrisy. The Democrat motto should be, not in my backyard unless you’re there to rake the leaves. Yes. The proud sanctuary city, when faced with being a sanctuary, couldn’t put up or shut up. So this was when the migrants showed up.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We don’t have the services to take care of the immigrants and we certainly don’t have housing. We’re in a housing crisis as we are on this island. And so we don’t — we can’t house everyone here that lives here and works here. We don’t have housing for 50 more people.


GUTFELD: And now this is them when they leave.



GUTFELD: Oh my goodness. Same lady. Adios, amigos. Don’t let la puerta hit your ass on the way out. What a compassionate town. And the media agrees. According to CNN, the migrants left an indelible impression on their accidental hosts.

And why were they accidental? Because the hosts actually didn’t want them there, you idiots. Man, when it comes to reporting on liberal behavior, CNN could turn (BLEEP) into butter. Don’t try that, Steve. I know you have a cookbook.

And as far as an indelible impression, it’s the people of the vineyard who left one and it’s what phony racists they were. I’ve seen bird sanctuaries happier to take in cats.

They enriched us, says the locals, after the migrants spent just 44 hours there. And I guess that’s what you do when something enriches you, you tell it to leave. You’re happy to let them work there, but not to live. So get them out. Here’s DeSantis. I wonder if the president is scrambling to get his cabinet together.


GOV. RON DESANTIS (R-FL): The president is scrambling to get his cabinet together. He didn’t scramble to get his cabinet together when you had 43 — 53 migrants die in some trailer in Texas. It’s only when you have 50 illegal aliens end up in a very wealthy, rich sanctuary enclave that he decides to scramble on this.


GUTFELD: I got to hand it to the DeSantis. He did more than any politician on furthering the conversation on immigration. And who’s the party that always says we really need to further the conversation? It’s always the Dems, although their idea of conversation means sit quietly while I scream at you. If you want conversations like that, you might as well marry Kat. But DeSantis said, if you’re a sanctuary city, then be a sanctuary city.

So there’s your conversation you hypocrites. So the media flummoxed when their own phoniness is exposed through an incoherent tantrum.


CHUCK TODD, MSNBC HOST: Leaving some migrants on a literal island that doesn’t have any infrastructure designed to help them at all. It’s inhumane.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Fascist Republicans are trying to — are trying to ship migrants around the country to make them suffer to troll the Libs.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Here is short Ron DeSantis and frankly Greg Abbott and Doug Ducey. We hate immigrants. Get the eff out and we will help you get the eff out.


GUTFELD: Hmm. Well, who sent them the eff out? Of course, for them to be angry, they have to forget Biden had been sending migrants by plane at midnight all over the damn place. But you can’t blame that on a Republicans, so why report it?

So finally, here’s the solution to their lies. Spread the challenge around and include the states who brag about their sanctuary status. Look, we’re all in this together, right? Whether you’re a struggling farmer on the Texas border or a struggling family like the Obamas. That 29-acre estate is not going to landscape itself.

So why is everybody so outraged? They think they’re better than you. They’re exempt. They have no masks at parties, but you wear them. You can’t have a gun, but they got private security. They love alternative energy, but that windmill better stay in your state. Everything they pretend to rail against, they embody. Oh, they love migrants with their leaf blowers. Mainly because the tools they use are so loud, it gives them a perfect excuse not to talk to them.

Former New York Governor David Paterson said it best. These jerks are just like the white Libs who opposed integration way back when.


DAVID PATERSON, FORMER GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK: They were progressive. They were liberal, but they didn’t want anybody moving into their neighborhoods. So it was someone else who was going to have to live with the African- Americans and Hispanics who moved into those neighborhoods. So you kind of see history repeating itself 50 years later.


GUTFELD: So they call themselves progressives, but their behavior is regressive. They call Texans racist for moving migrants, then they do the same thing. They believe they’re the compassionate ones as long as they don’t do anything about it.

It’s not like they think these migrants are trash. Or do they? Well, here’s a tweet comparing migrants to trash and who’s doing it? Liberals, not extreme MAGA lite, which is still only 70 calories.

But the worst part about all this, James Taylor is still singing,


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey migrants don’t be so withdrawn people will pay you to take care of their lawn. Come on to Martha’s Vineyard, the season’s over but I don’t think you guys care about that. Yes, yes, yes.


GUTFELD: Yes. Now, no one in a sanctuary city really believed they had to walk the walk. That was just for you lowly types in the border states. The media plays along because they all hope that one day they will live in Martha’s Vineyard too, away from these unwashed masses like you and me. I’m unwashed. It’s the same media who love a good stunt when it nails Republicans and now finds this shameful.

And they’re right. It is shameful. The border states brought shame to those who expressed outrage now when they didn’t seem to mind the death and suffering created by their own policies that protected their love for cheap labor.

The hypocrites are more upset by being exposed than the real suffering they cause by their false virtue signaling. So don’t let them shame you for starting the conversation that these phonies never wanted. Instead here’s another phrase for all you Libs and media types that you might want to learn. Besa mi culido blanco.


GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. He’s won 11 Emmys and deserves a 12 for acting like his Kilmeade’s friend every morning. Co-host of “FOX AND FRIENDS” and author of the book, The Simply Happy Cookbook Steve Doocy. Joe Biden would call him an ultra MAGA threat to democracy. Actor and comedian Terrence K. William. She’s like a jalapeno, small spicy and often soaked in tequila. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf.

And his tattoo artist needs more ink than the New York Post. The — my massive sidekick and the NWA world television champion, Tyrus. Steve, is this the first time you’re on the nightly show?

STEVE DOOCY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: It is. I had no idea they had a show on after Tucker.

GUTFELD: Oh. I know why you’re here. It’s to pump this book. That’s the only reason why you’re here. A cookbook. That’s why you’re here, you make me sick to my stomach, oh, deviled eggs. That’s for me. Deviled eggs.

DOOCY: I know you’ll — actually Greg has got a recipe in there. The entire cast of “THE FIVE” and I brought his in ingredient that he has contributed.

GUTFELD: Oh wow, yes.

DOOCY: Pez. He puts Pez on a charcuterie board.

GUTFELD: Yes. And you don’t know — you don’t want to know where I put the Pez dispenser.

DOOCY: Now, what is that little thing next to you? Is it a breath mint or – –

GUTFELD: Yes. it’s a breath mint.

DOOCY: Or urinal cake?

GUTFELD: All right. Control yourself, you sicko. That’s why you run in the morning. So, smart or dumb move by DeSantis?

DOOCY: Brilliant move.


DOOCY: And now that is what — right?

GUTFELD: Don’t play the audience.


GUTFELD: You only applaud for me. Not for this guy.

DOOCY: OK. Let me — ask me that again.

GUTFELD: All right. Smart move or bad move?

DOOCY: Yes, right? And here’s why.


DOOCY: Because out of — out of this. Essentially, it’s a stunt but it’s very effective. Now we’ve got Gavin Newsom challenging DeSantis essentially to a duel. I challenge you to duel. Let’s do a debate, however, because he’s in California and the governor is saying everybody’s got to, you know, you’ve got to wash your dishes at midnight. So if they had a debate, first of all, it could not be televised because that uses electricity.

But I think if they didn’t do a debate, first of all, Gavin Newsom would have to wear a mask.


DOOCY: And they would — the venue would be the French laundry and it would be great. Who wouldn’t watch?

GUTFELD: The weird thing about the French laundry, right? You can’t even close them. Terrence, good to see you.


GUTFELD: It’s been a while.

WILLIAMS: Been a while.

GUTFELD: Yes, it has. I love it how they’re always — they’re like — they say it’s a stunt or they’re being used as props. What did they — what else do — what else do Democrats do on every issue?

WILLIAMS: Man, I don’t know. But I’m sure we’re doing a free plane ride though.


WILLIAMS: Can they put me on a plane with you?


WILLIAMS: My goodness. But it’s crazy, though. Like, just think about like Martha’s Vineyard. They got rid of them in 44 hours. That’s like a record breaking right there. I mean, they’ve made bad — I mean, they make Border Patrol look bad.

GUTFELD: That’s true.

WILLIAMS: They make it look bad.

GUTFELD: That’s a good point.

WILLIAMS: They have to man it in and out of there quicker than a Taco Bell drive through.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true.

WILLIAMS: Seriously. It’s crazy.

GUTFELD: Yes, it is. It’s true. But it’s because, you know what, you know, they enjoyed the symbolism, but they didn’t join actually engaging in the practical solution, Kat. And that’s where you come in?


GUTFELD: How do you feel about this?

TIMPF: Yes, they were there just long enough to, you know, take Instagram photos with them.


TIMPF: Like of them, handing them something to be like I — they said, what they were changed by it. And all of those things. A lot of it is virtue signaling obviously. There needs to be some sort of solution here because you can bust people all around but like none of them are able to get jobs here or actually work which is an issue. It’s — I don’t know at what point it’s going to force people to actually do something.

I hope that it does, because it needs to be done at the federal level. And rather than just saying, you know, it’s a humanitarian crisis to send someone to Martha’s Vineyard, which I don’t think it is.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. It’s definitely not like the holocaust, which CNN —


TIMPF: They said that.

GUTFELD: That it would be —


TIMPF: But thankfully, they’re moving more towards the middle or whatever.

GUTFELD: Yes, they really are. Or they would have said 9/11 and the holocaust.

TIMPF: Yes. And the holocaust combined.

GUTFELD: But they said, you know what, we got to be more (INAUDIBLE) just say the holocaust.

TIMPF: Yes. Just the holocaust by itself.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, what do you make of this? Is it time for Biden to call these governors and sit down and hash it out?

MURDOCH: Might be a bit extreme because he wouldn’t know what he was calling for. So you have to understand though, I kind of feel for the people of Martha’s Vineyard, you know, it was offseason, they were already staffed. You know, so they was, you know, what do you got to do?


MURDOCH: I think, you know, and the thing about, you know, they’re in a housing crisis. Yes because they’re all empty. Because during their peak months, they hold up to 250,000 people and then that cuts down to like, 30,000 or something like that.


TIMPF: So I mean, who’s going to fill those houses? Certainly not 50 people.


MURDOCH: So — and if they spread out, we’ll never be able to find them. So, again, I — and, you know, shame on DeSantis 50.


MURDOCH: You know, I like big round numbers.


MURDOCH: You know, nothing says like Martha’s Vineyard like thousand.


MURDOCH: You know, how many was at that birthday party?

GUTFELD: I don’t know.

MURDOCH: Let’s start there.

GUTFELD: Yes. I mean, you know what, the thing is – and I honestly think that the — all of this outrage is not coming from migrants at all. They went from Venezuela, to them, America, Martha’s Vineyard, New York — it’s all the same. And I’m not saying because they’re ignorant of geography. I’m saying if you want to come to America, you often can’t be picky or choosy.

MURDOCH: Well, if you follow the progressive’s argument they’re escaping hell.


WILLIAMS: Oppression.


MURDOCH: So, Martha’s Vineyard. It was offseason.


MURDOCH: It was still. It was in hell.

GUTFELD: It still beats Caracas.


GUTFELD: Which I love TSA.


TIMPF: After Labor Day?

MURDOCH: Labor Day? Wow. Next thing you know he (INAUDIBLE) white blouses. Ridiculous.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next Biden’s a babbling mess on CBS.


GUTFELD: Oh hey. He puts the B.S. in CBS. No matter how they spin it Biden bombed on 60 Minutes. It’s being called the worst one on once and Steve Doocy met Brian Kilmeade at a kissing booth. Yes. That was easy. I don’t even know what that means. But hey (INAUDIBLE) own. I don’t — I’m not even up when you guys are on. But I speak of course the President Biden’s interview with 60 Minutes.

A show whose title is there to remind its brain dead viewers. It’s only an hour long. First the reelection. I wonder if it’s Joe’s intention as he said to begin with that he would run again.


JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Look, my intention, as I said to be the end with is that I would run again, but it’s just an intention. But it’s at a firm decision that I run again, that remains to be seen.


GUTFELD: Joe’s decisions are as firm as his bowel movements. Remains to be seen. That’s along with Joe’s hands when he’s around women.


GUTFELD: So is the pandemic over?


BIDEN: The pandemic is over, we’re still have a problem with COVID. We’re still doing a lot of work on it. It’s what — the pandemic is over. If you notice, no one’s wearing masks, everybody seems to be in pretty good shape.


GUTFELD: OK, great. Then you want to tell us why you keep wearing a mask outdoors all alone? It’s still encouraging us nearly all new COVID cases are between Joe in the first lady. But what’s it say about the executive order on student loan forgiveness, a trillion-dollar debt passed on to taxpayers, you can’t have an emergency order if there’s no emergency. So we were right, the loan forgiveness was just a voter bribe. And what if Taiwan? Would U.S. forces defend the island?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Would U.S. force defend the island?

BIDEN: Yes. If in fact, there was an unprecedented attack.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So unlike Ukraine, to be clear, sir, U.S. forces, U.S. men and women would defend Taiwan in the event of a Chinese invasion?



GUTFELD: You know, to be fair, when Joe heard defend the island, he thought they meant Martha’s Vineyard. And good for you on that. They’re being invaded. The White House already walked back those comments saying Taiwan policy hasn’t changed, which is usually called strategic ambiguity. Oddly strategic ambiguity is the same policy I have when I visit Thailand.

MURDOCH: Don’t look at him. Do not look at him.

GUTFELD: But haven’t we all wondered? How is Joe’s mental focus?


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How would you say your mental focus is?

BIDEN: Which focused? I think — I haven’t — look, I have trouble even mentioning — even saying to myself, my own head the number of years. I no more think of myself as being as old as I am than fly.


GUTFELD: I’m thinking, you know, someone is asking you about your mental focus. You might want to respond, you know, mentally focused. With clarity, not confusion. I mean, that’s like being asked if you’re racist and you shout the N word. Anything to add Joe?


TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, yes, yes. As old as I am than fly. As old as I am then fly. I set it. I meant it. Pelley knew what I meant. I like that guy, Pelley. He throws those softball straight over the plate. Oh, he’s a softy. I haven’t been stroked that gently since I was a Labrador Retriever. Did I ever tell you I was the only yellow lab lifeguard at an all-black lab pool in Delaware? That’s a true story. And it’s no joke. As old as I am than fly.


GUTFELD: Tyrus, that’s like the first sit down he’s had in seven months. And even like it felt like nobody really wanted to pay attention to it because it’s never good. What were you — what was your take? Anything stand out?

MURDOCH: Yes. He can’t say a complete sentence. Like he — sometimes I think he just is messing with us and just talks and riddles. I think he’s – – like there’s subliminal messages, like, somehow helped me. They’re keeping me against my will. I want out the basement. Because even the beginning he used past tense usually. How are you doing? Well, I began. What? Why? Why would you say that? And he always answers a question with a question not affiliated with the original question.


MURDOCH: So it’s just kind of like, huh?


MURDOCH: So watching it. I was thinking — and then he gets — he gets that forgetful mad, you know, like guys get older because he asked him like, what do you think? Huh?


MURDOCH: You’re saying I’m not sharp? Like what? He didn’t say that. He just ask you a question. I would like to know how many retakes there were because if you notice the lighting between the question and the answer, it was different. So, I think — I think — watch it back. Like I think the interview start at 12:00 and then at 9:00, he got to answer the question.

GUTFELD: I didn’t even think of that.

MURDOCH: Look at the lighting.

GUTFELD: Look at the lighting. Look at the lighting. Kat, was there any clarity in any answer? Did he answer — I mean, we are going to war with China so we know that. That’s good news. And there’s no inflation.

TIMPF: What a guy to lead us through. Yes. Well, I just — before the fly thing he was explaining that we — nobody should judge him based on his age, they shouldn’t judge him based on the job that he’s able to do regardless of what anyone, you know, whatever their age may be.

And then the very next answer is the, I no more think of myself as being old as I am than fly. And I had to write that down because that is just a random assortment of words.

MURDOCH: A riddle. It’s a riddle.


TIMPF: — of words. And it’s — you hear that and it’s like not only you not up for the job of president, you’re not up for job. You can’t — you go to interview for anything and that comes out of your mouth, no one’s calling you.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s like an interview going, I’m like a fly.

TIMPF: They’re not calling you.

GUTFELD: And then you don’t even follow it up.

MURDOCH: Whoever wanted to be a fly.


TIMPF: Maybe they would call the hospital.


MURDOCH: Butterfly? Sure. But I’m a fly.

TIMPF: As old as I am than fly.


TIMPF: Period.

GUTFELD: Terrence, did you watch any of this?

WILLIAMS: I don’t — I don’t even know what that means. Listen (INAUDIBLE) he cannot decide if he wants to run in 2024. I don’t remember the last he made a decision.



WILLIAMS: But I can decide for him, Joe Biden, do not run in 2024. Please do not run. And we cannot afford to go to war. Not with him being the leader. No — these leaders around the world are not scared of Joe Biden. They’re not They’re not scared (INAUDIBLE) oh, here comes Joe Biden riding up on his bike. Oh, he just fell. When he get back up he’s going to get us. This is a (INAUDIBLE) oh no. Come on.

GUTFELD: Yes. What do you think, Steve? You didn’t — covering all of this in your morning show?

DOOCY: You know, at our house when we want news from the White House we call our own Peter Doocy. And I’ve heard other people on the channel referred to him as our own.

GUTFELD: Very own.

DOOCY: For text purposes, he’s mine. But — and he was actually talking about some of these crazy things that Joe Biden said over the weekend to Scott Pelly on the Special Report tonight. And what’s interesting is he’ll say stuff and then they’ll immediately start to walk it back.

GUTFELD: Right. They — it’s before it even end.

DOOCY: Yes. When you think about it though, you know, everybody has got to stay on the script and the most horrifying thing in the world is Joe Biden is going to adlib because he can’t. That’s why everything has got to be scripturized. Everything — and when Peter Doocy and the other members of the White House press corp ask a question, they always read out a big book of answers.


DOOCY: Because if you really want to know what the answer is you would have to ask the person who wrote it down because that person is running the country.

GUTFELD: Exactly. We don’t know who that is.

DOOCY: We don’t.

WILLIAMS: We don’t know.

GUTFELD: You know, I want to — it’s funny. You know when I tell people about Peter — I said that Peter is actually your father and you have Benjamin Button disease.

MURDOCH: Well, you know, the pudding is the proof if it taste good. No, no. The pudding and the eye is the fly.

GUTFELD: There you go. I thought my Benjamin Button joke would have got landed better but maybe a lot of you love, don’t know what the Benjamin Button disease is. It’s reverse aging. We’ll get into this in the C block. And you all be saying after for punishment. Up next, Hillary’s horny spouse get fear will make them loose the house.


GUTFELD: Democrats say MAGA is a threat from within. But Bill Clinton says, Republicans use fear to win. Yesterday on CNN, humidor expert Bill Clinton, discuss the Democrats midterm chances. I wonder if the Republicans always close well, why?


BILL CLINTON, 42ND PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: The Republicans always close well, why? Because they find some new way to scare the living daylights out of swing voters about something, that’s what they did in 2021 where they made Critical Race Theory sound worse than smallpox?


GUTFELD: Well, it is. So, he claims Republicans win by scaring voters which is pretty hypocritical considering he scared Epstein to death. And really – – yes. You want fear-stoking? What about weeks of January 6th hearings designed to portray Trump voters as terrorists? And what of Joe’s horrific speech filmed in front of Dracula’s castle. That speech was so scary, Joe would have crapped his pants had he been listening. What if climate change, abortion, guns, everything the Dems talk about a stoke with fear, except of course crime, then it’s who cares? I got private security. But it worked.

Biden smeared MAGA Republicans as threats to democracy so effectively. One pollster says, they’ll be harder to pull: “I call this new group submerged voters. They aren’t putting stickers on their cars, signs in their yards, posting their opinions or even answering polls. Biden’s attacks on MAGA Republicans has created an army of voters who will be virtually impossible to pull and more difficult still to estimate.” So, it looks like it’s the Republicans, not the Dems, who are scared for their safety. But how scary do the Dems think Republicans really are? It’s like they’re living at a horror movie.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They came from beyond the grave, from beyond space, from beyond — Florida. Night of the living conservatives, driven by an evil force called the Constitution, obsessed with guns, God, getting up and going to work. They could be anywhere at your job, at your school board meeting, at that vegan coffee shop where the service is bad, but the waitstaff is diverse and there’s a homeless man living in a gender-neutral bathroom.

Well, probably not there. Shambling, reanimated corpses — not that one. Undead, unmasked, feasting on human brains. So, if you’re a Democrat, don’t worry, yet. Night of the living conservatives. Rated-R, for Republican.


GUTFELD: Kat, I just had a mild epiphany. I’d like to share it with you, would you like to hear it?

TIMPF: Yes, sure.

GUTFELD: Both sides tend to use fear as a persuasion tool, because it’s the most effective one Republicans do it, and they have legitimate fears about crime and Democrats do it — it’s always about racism. Maybe that’s why the Libertarians fail. They never use fear as a weapon, maybe they should. What do you think?

TIMPF: Oh, I mean, I’m pretty afraid.

GUTFELD: Yes. What are you afraid of?

TIMPF: What am I not afraid of?


TIMPF: Yes, something really bad can happen at any moment.

GUTFELD: That’s —

TIMPF: Worst things, you don’t have any warning.

GUTFELD: That’s true.

MURDOCH: Pretty damn depressing.


GUTFELD: Now, tie that — now tie that into the segment.

TIMPF: OK. Well, I don’t know. I don’t know how much time we have here. OK. I think also that it’s not just about the things that Biden says about Trump supporters. It’s also if you look at what’s been in the news, you know, the FBI treating parents who, you know, have concerns about the school board, what kids are teaching in school as domestic terrorists. People who have any sort of appreciation for, you know, American Revolution symbols are violent extremists.


TIMPF: I think it’s past the point of people being concerned about of, oh, if I say I support Trump, what people think? And now, it’s like, oh, if I say my conservative, what might they do?


TIMPF: So, I think that’s where more of the concern comes from.

GUTFELD: Terrence, this is a very good point that the young lady just made, after relentless prodding on my behalf. Isn’t it funny? It’s the MAGA Republicans that are actually have to be scared because they’ve, they’re the ones being branded as dangerous.

WILLIAMS: You know what, it’s crazy because I’m MAGA. I’m MAGA. OK. They call them — yes, I’m MAGA.


WILLIAMS: Yes, I’m MAGA, baby.


WILLIAMS: Yes! Little MAGA over here.

MURDOCH: I wonder if he’s MAGA.

GUTFELD: I think he’s MAGA.

WILLIAMS: They are calling me a threat. Not a MAGA threat. I am five-four. And I’m wearing 120 pounds. And I’m a threat, I am scared to play football. I’m not a threat. This is crazy. OK, this is crazy. But the Republicans do not have to scare people. Because the Democrats are scaring the hell out of people with this high, with high inflation with these high gas prices. Scaring people with the IRS.


WILLIAMS: They sit, and they come out the people for $600.


WILLIAMS: With pistols.


WILLIAMS: That’s crazy.

GUTFELD: That’s, it is crazy Steve.

STEVE DOOCY, “FOX AND FRIENDS” CO-HOST: It is crazy. And you know what, I think he’s absolutely right. I mean, what is more scary today than a gallon of milk that costs more than a gallon of gas.

GUTFELD: I like that because I hate milk.

DOOCY: Right. You’re lactose intolerant.

GUTFELD: It’s disgusting. It’s mucus. Let’s be honest, it’s cattle mucus.

TIMPF: Yes, there’s a lot of things that scare me more than milk.

GUTFELD: You know, milk —

WILLIAMS: I like milk. I’m still trying to grow. I need my vitamin D.

GUTFELD: Crime. You don’t have to scare people; you just have to show what’s happening.

DOOCY: Absolutely. Whether it’s crime or the border or inflation. You know, Bill Clinton is talking about essentially, Republicans are going to do it. But ultimately, what you really know is the Democrats are haunted by the idea of a red wave.


DOOCY: Whereas, Bill Clinton is haunted by the idea of a blue dress.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, last word to you.

MURDOCH: I’m scary.

GUTFELD: You are scary.

MURDOCH: Yes, I’ll whip your ass.

GUTFELD: I know you will.

MURDOCH: But here’s the difference, though. This is a real fear. And that’s —


MURDOCH: — first world fear. MAGA’s first world fear. The Dems live in the first world.


MURDOCH: They want us worrying about pronouns and stuff, and Republicans live down on the ground, boots on the ground. They worry about inflation, education, and crime. So, they’re in real tangible stuff that, and here’s, here’s I hate to tell you this, Mr. Clinton, they are afraid, Americans are afraid. They see what’s happening in our school systems, in our neighborhoods, in our cities, and, and on our bank accounts. So, that’s a real fear. So, the only thing that you hope is the Republicans actually do something about it when they get in there.


MURDOCH: Because nothing’s worse than telling us we recognize your fears and not doing (BLEEP), at least you give it to Democrats. They live in space. So, it doesn’t matter if they do anything or not.

GUTFELD: Yes, it’s true.


GUTFELD: It’s true. You never expect anything from them, all right.

Coming up, how an act of generosity led to animosity.


GUTFELD: He tipped her three-grand, but it didn’t go as planned. And now, the restaurant screwed and he’s getting sued. A restaurant in Scranton, Pennsylvania — they have them there, Steve — is threatening to sue a customer who left a $3,000 tip in June, but has since refuse to pay for it. You see, this is why I don’t tip.

The customer named Eric Smith left a massive three-grand tip on a bill for $13.25. He wrote tips for Jesus on the bill, a reference to a social media trend where anonymous patrons give huge tips to servers. But on the other hand, maybe it was meant for another employee named Jesus. Smith has since disputed the charge with his credit card company, but the restaurant had already given the cash to the waitress, quotes the manager, “We’re just out of money at this point, and he told us to sue him. So, that is what we’re going to be, we’re going to end up doing, I guess.”

You know, it sounds like the customer should have said don’t sue me. Doesn’t that make sense to people? Guess not. The restaurant gained notoriety for being on an episode of “The Office.” That’s a new top-rated show on Comedy Central. It’s a joke, because it’s the only show on Comedy Central. No one knows why Smith thought he didn’t have to pay what he promised. He asked for a stromboli not a student loan. Hey, all right, Terrence, who’s wrong here? The diner, the waitress, the restaurant or Donald Trump?

WILLIAMS: Well, if I was a Democrat, I wouldn’t say Donald Trump. They blame him for everything.


WILLIAMS: But I don’t know about this one, though. Maybe she added on a few zeros.


WILLIAMS: Maybe she, but I think it’s her fault.


WILLIAMS: She should ask them, are you sure you want to tip me this much?

GUTFELD: Yes, maybe he was drunk.

WILLIAMS: But in this economy, she was like, no, I’m not going to make — I don’t know about that, I’ll just take this 3000 and run with it. I don’t know but I think the restaurant should just take the loss, you know what I mean?

GUTFELD: I don’t know, man. They don’t have enough money. You know, see, maybe this is why putting out a cookbook is so important. Because these restaurants, you know, you never know what you’re going to get. You might get a waitress that takes your money. This is the perfect thing — just stay home and cook for yourself. A happy hibachi shrimp, maybe a cabernet chicken surprise?

DOOCY: That’s actually really good.

GUTFELD: I bet it is. I bet it is. You never actually tried any of this crap, did you?

DOOCY: I’ve made them all about five times.

GUTFELD: I bet you did not. Do you have a comment on this while I destroy your cookbook?

DOOCY: Look at that one right there, on your left hand the —

GUTFELD: Buffalo chicken French toast sandwiches?

DOOCY: Right? Doesn’t that look delicious?

GUTFELD: It looks like you’re eating the head of a lizard.

DOOCY: That’s my son, Peter.

GUTFELD: I guess, I should move on. Do you have an opinion?

DOOCY: Well, I do. You know, if you write, if you write a, essentially, it’s a check for $3,000 to that waitress.

GUTFELD: Right, yes.

DOOCY: And you write, tips for Jesus, you put Jesus and then you defraud? I mean, that’s just an easy past trip to hell, if you ask me. But ultimately, unless this guy goes ahead and makes good on it, I think you should call your buddy Nancy Grace, and she should get after him. Next thing you know, she’ll be interviewing, you know, former roommates, people who knew him before he went, took the evil turn?

GUTFELD: Yes, what?

DOOCY: To stiffen a waitress.

GUTFELD: He gave, he tried to impress her with a tip. And now, she’s dead. Where is her body only somebody knows. We’ll be right back. I’m Nancy Grace. That’s it. I’m Nancy Grace. And “lipstick on a corpse”?

MURDOCH: Not unless you have lipstick.

GUTFELD: And you have some pinky stuff, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: Which I’m not.

GUTFELD: I am — tell us the truth. What’s going on here?

MURDOCH: This is — the virtue signaling piece of (BLEEP), that’s what he is. This is what they do. This is what virtue signalers do. He wrote it down. He got all kinds of praise. And then, when it came to show up and deliver, he’s not there. He’s — I guarantee you this dude is woke.

GUTFELD: Yes, that’s a great point. I totally —

MURDOCH: It’s them in a nutshell. And look what he’s done to them. Now, I mean, she’s supposed to give the money back to her employer now?


MURDOCH: This is what they — for that moment in time, he was, oh, this guy is special.


MURDOCH: He’s above — this what they do, first world, and then, what boots on the ground? Oh, no.


MURDOCH: No, I decided not to do it, because I don’t like the way the door sound when I closed it.


MURDOCH: I guarantee and of course, he said sue me, it will cost five grand to sue him.

GUTFELD: Yes. So, he’s got it. He’s free. He got the credit —

MURDOCH: He got away with it.


MURDOCH: You, you have a pensive look on your face, Kat.

TIMPF: Yes, I was just thinking he is so lucky that his name is Eric Smith.

GUTFELD: Yes, hard to find.

TIMPF: Yes, like —

GUTFELD: Hard to find.

TIMPF: He would — people going after him.


TIMPF: But everybody’s named Eric Smith.

GUTFELD: It’s so true. It’s so true. It’s like —

TIMPF: It could be anybody.

GUTFELD: To use an analogy you might like, it’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

TIMPF: Oh, because I do so many intravenous drugs —

MURDOCH: No, because you farm a lot.

GUTFELD: You farm a lot.

MURDOCH: You have haystacks everywhere.

GUTFELD: I don’t know, because you love the country, and you love doing drugs in a barn.

TIMPF: Right. Yes, I love doing drugs in a barn. You know, that’s exactly right.

MURDOCH: You think you know somebody?

GUTFELD: That’s behind the whole needle in a haystack thing, right? It was about —

MURDOCH: It’s not.


MURDOCH: Not even a little bit.

TIMPF: I don’t think so.

MURDOCH: And I refuse to believe you don’t know that.

GUTFELD: All right, we got to move on. I was going to ask what were your biggest tip you ever gave but we don’t have Geraldo here.

MURDOCH: I’m sure his shirt was off.


MURDOCH: It was a — instead of money.

GUTFELD: I once left $5,000, young orphan. Here’s me on my yacht. Up next, when celebs are accused of impropriety, fans defend them to society.



GUTFELD: A story in five words: we defend our favorite celebrities. Steve, you’re almost a celebrity. A study found that in general, people still support stars they admire even when they’ve done stuff that’s morally reprehensible, seems kind of obvious, are you like that?

DOOCY: Does this have to be in five words?

GUTFELD: No. No, it doesn’t.

MURDOCH: It should be.

GUTFELD: You should do it in five words now, though.

DOOCY: But there is something to it.


DOOCY: People — are heroes can’t be zeros. Capiche?

GUTFELD: By the way, the story only has to be in five words, but we’ll take that anyway because this to me, I’ll go with you, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: Oh, thank you.

GUTFELD: This is kind of like, you know, when you look at hockey teams, everybody likes the goon on your team, but they hate the goon on the other teams.

MURDOCH: Of course, yes, because you like people who identify with yourself. We all make mistakes. So, when your hero does it, you’re cool with it because you make mistakes. It’s actually refreshing. This is a stupid study. I thought this is dumb. We’re all dumber for this.


MURDOCH: Oh, you give a break to somebody you like, oh my God. We had no clue.

GUTFELD: All right. I take that. Terrance, what do you make of this?

WILLIAMS: You know what, Greg, I think people should only worship you know.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

WILLIAMS: You’re the only celebrity we should be worshiping.

GUTFELD: You know —

TIMPF: He does not need that.

MURDOCH: You are definitely coming back.

WILLIAMS: OK, good. Well, never mind. Never mind.

GUTFELD: You’ve done enough damage already, Terrence. Kat, what do you — is there a celebrity who could do no wrong in your life?

TIMPF: You mean other than Adam Sandler?

GUTFELD: Yes, well, not Adam Sandler.

TIMPF: This is dumb. It’s like, if you like somebody, you’re more likely to keep liking them. Like, who are — these are scientists who did this?

GUTFELD: Yes, but they’re probably unpopular ones, right? This is why they do all these studies.

TIMPF: All scientists are.

GUTFELD: Yes, they do these studies so people will talk to them. They’ll go into a bar, they’ll go, hey, I’m doing a study in on romance. And then the woman will talk to him and then they’ll cry. That’s how it ends.

DOOCY: That’s how it ends.

GUTFELD: It ends in tears. Everything in life ends in tears.

MURDOCH: Good. Start crying and end this.

GUTFELD: Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.


GUTFELD: We’re out of time. Thanks to Steve Doocy, Terrence K. Williams, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with Gillian Turner is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you America.

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