This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld!” on October 10, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We start off with two words. Made in America. Made in America.
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GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: I was hoping he’d say I resigned. All right. Ruling. Ruling it. Happy Monday. Happy Monday, everyone. It is Columbus Day. Which means it’s time for.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg’s teen corner. Oh yes.
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GUTFELD: Welcome to teen corner where we discuss the hottest topics for today’s hottest teens. Now you may or not be aware that there’s a show on this network that airs at 5:00 p.m. and get this, it’s called “THE FIVE” up pretty clever. How long did it take them to come up with that? It also got five people, I bet you didn’t see that coming. But Thursday, something was said on that show that in the words of the media sparked outrage.
You know, I love that phrase, mainly because their definition of sparking outrage is when one media outlet reports on tweets that another media outlet reported on earlier. They gossip like a group of high school girls sitting together in the calf. It’s not reporting it’s repurposing. You know, like Geraldo does with five dead caterpillars to make a mustache. Can’t even tell, can you? Amazing. So what was the offending opinion on The Five? Well, let’s find out.
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GUTFELD: College doesn’t look like it’s fun anymore.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Right.
GUTFELD: I mean, have you seen a lot of the — how miserable and how miserable looking a lot of the students are? They’re deliberately like uglifying themselves. You see them on TikTok. They’re out of shape. They’re asexual. They’re like they don’t want — they’re like rejecting. They’re rejecting the truth and beauty. They all look like rejects from a loony bin. I’d steer clear at college to.
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GUTFELD: Who the hell does he think he is? I mean, let’s be honest. He’s no spring chicken. It’s not even a spring roll. And him judging the looks of other people, that seems a little bit ironic. I mean, on a scale of one to 10, maybe he’s a 9.4. But looking at him that’s maybe twice his body fat. I mean, I guess some people might find him attractive. I don’t know. His piercing blue eyes. Those rock hard packs. Gorgeous salt and pepper hair.
No wonder the jealous media pounced. My favorite headline, Fox News host, 58, under fire, under fire for bizarre complaints. The college kids aren’t hot enough. That’s The Independent. That’s The Independent. A freaking British paper. But it is true. I’m old enough to be their professor. And they’re old enough to be my girlfriend. But I agree. What Gutfeld said was callous, especially to these rioters who let’s face it. They’re all bow wows.
I mean, have you looked at your typical journalist lately? I mean, what a collection of before pictures. They look like something else Fauci made in a lab. On a scale of one to 10, journalists would be a nine. In German that means no, as a no, I would never sleep with you. But the anger was worse among the British journalists. They’re very sensitive and I don’t blame them. You know, their hottest one and over there is Harry Styles.
And their teeth are the best part of their faces. I know. I’m glad you agree with me. But it’s not their fault. Ugly people have no protest movement. Well, the Teachers Union is just a coincidence. But the plane — it’s just terrible. But the plane don’t protest because how would the chants go? Hey, hey, ho, ho, these skin tags have got to go. But I’ve always been there by their side.
I want you to take a look at this book, the Bible of Unspeakable Truths written in 2007. It’s like 15 years ago. It’s now available in paperback. I don’t know. In a landmark chapter titled The Ugly Have No Gandhi, I go into depth on how the most discriminated group of people are not black or Hispanic, gay or lesbian or trans. It’s the homely. It’s having a face like Joy Behar. I know. And I hope you’re applauding her inspiration for everybody and a body like Joy Behar. See a split up there.
Fact is, the homely get fewer job offers fewer dates, and no thanks to Thomas Edison, they have to deal with lights. There are loads of studies that bear that out. And if I didn’t live a really cool life, I would have looked them up. So, you got to have to take my word for it. Someone this good looking doesn’t have to lie. But I wasn’t always that hot. I had to put work into it. I go to the gym, I watch what I eat, I groom all the problem areas.
Takes four men to wax my body hair. Three to hold me down and one to videotape. Still dozen articles were written about Gutfeld’s comments. Other articles were incomplete because the authors were crying too hard to complete them. Now besides these writers, no one is actually offended by these comments. They’re just reporting on the possibility of offense. And all these pieces noted Gutfeld’s age which is again 58 to suggest that that age, this kind of commentary would be creepy.
But it backfired instead of everyone saying wow, that old guy is gross. It was holy crap. How could that amazing looking guy be 58? That’s insane. They’re like — I know, just clap, clap. Even I saw him and I said whatever he’s doing, sign me up. But I get it because they couldn’t argue the point they blamed the hot messenger. That’s got to make Gutfeld smile and what a beautiful smile it is.
You could melt the icicles on Brian Stelter’s (BLEEP) I don’t even know if he has them. So if I ever Gutfeld, you know what I take a good look in the mirror and enjoy the view. And as for the media, that group of homely copycats will continue to bottom feed off their own dreck. I just hope for our sake they do it with a lights out.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guest. He’s pretty vocal about wanting to be Kathy Hochul. Congressman and Republican candidate for New York governor Lee Zeldin. Yes. She’s had more scoops than Michael Moore at Baskin Robbins. New York Post business reporter Lydia Moynihan. His lap is so contagious it often gets mistaken for tuberculosis. Washington Times opinion editor and Fox News contributor, Charlie Hurt.
And this month she switched her pepper spray to pumpkin spice. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. Now Lee, before I get to the superficial nature of my monologue, I want to ask you about you. You had a wild night last night. You were involved in some gunplay. How did it — how did it all happen? What happened?
LEE ZELDIN (R-NY), GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE: It’s actually pretty crazy. So yesterday it was around 2:20 In the afternoon, my wife and I were out, we’re at a Columbus Day Parade in the Bronx. We had just left my daughters, Mikayla and Ariana who are actually here today. They were at home alone, doing homework at the kitchen table, and also on the gunshots erupted and then they were screaming.
They thought that these people were actually coming into the house targeting them. They were — they were swift. They were smart. They ran upstairs, they locked themselves in the bathroom, they called 911, one of the bullets were found about 30 feet from where they were sitting. The two people who were shot were laying down about 10 feet from where they were sitting. It was a pretty wild moment.
We’ve been running this campaign where we’ve been talking about rising crime in New York. I wasn’t expecting that the next press conference was going to be in front of crime scene tape in front of my own house. And fortunately, my daughters, they were champs. They were smart and everybody’s OK.
GUTFELD: That’s good. That’s good. Before I move on, is it — any truth to the rumor that Kathy Hochul was seen speeding away?
ZELDIN: Absolutely. So we’re still waiting for confirmation.
GUTFELD: She was just screaming, lousy shots. Anyway, well, I’m glad you’re here tonight. We’re going to talk more about crime and would you like to comment on my monologue or just be happy that I’m not asking you anything – –
ZELDIN: I have a couple theories. I mean, one is you are now the new king of late night.
GUTFELD: That is true.
ZELDIN: They’re not going to be able to go after you with better talent. They’re not funnier, so they’re going to have to try to find some angle that try to take down the king. There’s another theory here, by the way, is that maybe success has gone to your head so much that you’ve raised your standards so high that it’s been left with, you know, this criticism of all these people who used to look so beautiful.
GUTFELD: But they don’t anymore because now I am such a superstar. My standards have just jumped.
ZELDIN: Exactly right.
GUTFELD: Just jumped. Yes, I don’t think — like I — you’re absolutely right. I find you hideous. Absolutely hideous. Lydia.
LYDIA MOYNIHAN, NEW YORK POST BUSINESS REPORTER: You have simple taste. You’re always satisfied with the best.
GUTFELD: Yes, that is true. That’s — that is true. I don’t know what that means. But yes, but my standards will drop over time. College gets uglier now, do you agree with me?
MOYNIHAN: Well, you mentioned — you mentioned you didn’t have time to do the research. So I did it for you.
GUTFELD: Oh, thank you.
MOYNIHAN: This is from the Federal Reserve of St. Louis. They found that good looking people made five percent more than average-looking people. Unattractive people made nine percent less. So, I think there is actually an argument to be said that if you have a quarter million bucks, you were better off spending that on really good plastic surgery than a four-year degree from NYU.
GUTFELD: That is a great point.
MOYNIHAN: I also — I think colleges are going to inadvertently address this issue, though. You know, stress. It’s a very stressful time when your college, you’re cramming for exams. And stress, of course leads to weight gain. And breakouts, you look tired, and colleges are trying to make it less stressful. And why you fired a chemistry professor last week, his class was too hard. At U.T. Austin one professor isn’t assigning grades. He’s not going to take attendance. So I think these kids are going to have time to hit the gym.
CHARLIE HURT, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: So instead of freshmen 15, you would — you could lose 15.
MOYNIHAN: Negative 15.
GUTFELD: You know, Charlie, you’re a journalist but to — you’re handsome. Why are — why is everybody in your trade so hideously ugly? Except for you?
GUTFELD: What is your health — Is it your healthy living?
HURT: You know, I can’t answer that. It is a real curiosity. It always has been.
GUTFELD: We’re always surprised because generally the journalists that we have on are just horrible looking. The amount of makeup that we go through, like on on Special Report, especially. Oh.
HURT: Can we talk about you?
GUTFELD: Yes. OK.
HURT: I mean, I think — I think first of all, it’s ages for them to focus on that.
HURT: The second thing is, I think that — and I think Lee’s right, you know, you’re the king of late night. They’re already trying to age you out. They’re trying to push you towards 65.
GUTFELD: Wow. I didn’t know that.
HURT: Because they’re — they’ve accepted the fact that you’re here. And there’s nothing that they can do about it. So, all they can hope for is that you get too old and you have to retire.
HURT: But your underlying point is a really great one about college. And I — and, you know, my personal belief is I think that social media has destroyed college.
HURT: Because it used to be when you were 18, you went to college, it was the first time you were unsupervised.
HURT: You were around all these people who were your age and as reckless as you. And you got — and it was so much fun. But because of everybody is on social media, this isn’t anything new to them. And then they go to college and they don’t know how to pick up a girl at a bar.
HURT: They don’t even know how to talk to a girl.
GUTFELD: It’s true.
HURT: At a bar.
GUTFELD: Everything has to be two dimensional now. Three dimensional is frightening.
HURT: Yes. Everything is within the four corners of their stupid phone.
GUTFELD: Yes. They should have bars where every — that nobody talks, you just text each other. Like right to send this.
HURT: Yes. You could — it’s the hotspot. What’s the thing called when you —
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: The internet?
HURT: The picture?
GUTFELD: So, give him a break. He’s 75. Old Charlie Hurt, remember him down in the farm. Like the journalist. Kat, you were our reporter for Campus Reform. So were you ugly back then?
TIMPF: I was less attractive. But that’s just because I wasn’t making as much money. I didn’t know about like fake hair and stuff yet.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: What do you make of my theory?
TIMPF: So, you did a whole monologue about how good looking you are.
TIMPF: And you’re asking me to comment on it.
GUTFELD: No, I’m saying —
TIMPF: To be clear —
GUTFELD: No, no, no, no. I’m saying is it true?
TIMPF: I don’t know why you want my opinion though. Because if I’m going to believe everything that I’ve read about you on the internet the past few days, I’m way too old for you.
GUTFELD: That’s true.
TIMPF: I also don’t know if I’m able to tell if someone’s hot or not.
GUTFELD: Yes, that is true.
TIMPF: Like, yes, I think I know. But according to my friends, I don’t.
GUTFELD: No. You have — I’ve seen some of the people you’ve dated.
TIMPF: Yes. To me they were all hot.
GUTFELD: They are trolls. You must just go hang out by bridges.
TIMPF: Well, now I’m married if you haven’t heard.
GUTFELD: We got to move on. Up next. The city with no rules attract sticky fingered ghouls.
GUTFELD: Welcome back. In New York you can get fleeced after your deceased. It’s true. Death gives you no relief from a New York City thief. So if you haven’t been following the New York Crime Wave or your name is Kathy Hochul. Here’s where we’re at. Last week a guy got hit and killed by a truck in midtown Manhattan. This is video of the aftermath. Now, before this, there was tape of a woman pick-pocketing him. While one onlooker filmed and laughed.
Yes. In New York, the thief actually gets there before the ambulance. Cops are now trying to use dental records to identify the guy since his wallet was taken by the crook who also remains unidentified. Although you know who the cops have ID’d? Four members of the Green Goblin Gang who attacked two women on the subway last week. Turns out they’re all cast members of The View. Thank you.
I think I’m kidding. But they’re actually chubby criminals, three of them are in their 20s, one in her 30s and all have — all four of them have prior arrests. But much like the village people, we still don’t have any explanation for the silly costumes. But criminals like that Green Goblin girl gang need the harshest punishment a New York governor can authorize. Make them spend the weekend with Andrew Cuomo.
Meanwhile, former New York Governor David Paterson noted that subway assaults like these are making the city unsafe like never before.
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DAVID PATERSON FORMER GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK: For the first time in my life, even in the late 80s and 90s when the crime rate was killing 2000 people a year. I never felt as unsafe as I do now just walking around. You’re hearing about an assault on the subway almost every other day.
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GUTFELD: You know, he’s right. And remember, he’s also blind. It’s true, he’s blind and he wants law and order. I’m worried Democrats will try to convince him he’s not black. But maybe Mayor Adams wants NYC to get so bad the illegal immigrants will turn around and leave on their own. They had help send 35,000 residents to Florida and as they say in Lee Zeldin’s neighborhood, it’s worth a shot.
Bop Bop. All right. You get elected. What’s your first move? I feel like there’s no bottom to this crime wave. It’s so strange. What would you do?
ZELDIN: It will get worse.
ZELDIN: The last couple of weeks has gotten worse. The first thing I’ll do the first day I’m in office is tell Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg that he’s been fired.
ZELDIN: Last week, there was this woman on Wednesday who was murdered in front of her three kids. She was wearing a bulletproof vest.
ZELDIN: She was murdered by her husband who was released the day before. The judge did not have discretion to weigh dangerousness. The wife is like listen, he’s going to kill me was charged with all sorts of domestic violence offenses. But the judge says I have to release this person. The next day he murders this woman, his wife in front of their three kids. Now these three kids are going to have to grow up without a mother because Kathy Hochul and Kathy Hochul’s New York judges don’t get discretion.
But if you look at last week, I mean, there are four knife attacks in 10 hours on Thursday, you had the Green Goblin Gang committing their offense. You had the Long Island dad who was visiting his kid for Parents Weekend up in Marist.
ZELDIN: It’s out of control. We recap the last week or two. You’d think we’re recapping the last year or two. That’s how many things have taken place. And it’s — it is out of control. And it’s one-party rule, it needs to and Kathy Hochul has to go.
GUTFELD: It’s — I’m glad — I’m glad you brought up the one because that is the — I think the worst case out of everything is the woman whose husband attacks her. And then he gets out and kills her and they knew it was going to happen. She had a bulletproof vest on. That wasn’t good enough, Charlie. What’s behind this? Like, what — where is this animus against justice or like the — is it the idea that the criminal is somehow now elevated above the victim because we’re actually the oppressor? I don’t know.
HURT: I have no idea. But of course, Democrats are supposed to be the party of women.
HURT: And the party that cares about women and it’s Republicans who are waging a war on women. Are you kidding me?
HURT: There’s an actual war. And, you know, obviously, you know, the only thing, you know, economics are what usually drive elections, the only thing that ever trumps the economy in an election is if people don’t feel safe. Crime, trumps economics every single time. And of course, that’s why Democrats want to talk about abortion. That’s all they want to talk about. The party’s position on abortion is supported by maybe 10 percent of the population, but they want to talk about abortion because Republicans aren’t as comfortable talking about it.
But the bottom line is, you know, Republicans should say yes, I’m pro-life. I’m pro-life when it comes to the unborn. I’m pro-life when it comes to my children walking to school. I’m pro-life when it comes to people riding on the subway system. And I’m pro-life when it comes to a mother, you know, with her children or a woman walking down the street. We live in the greatest country on Earth and a woman can’t walk down the street at 7:00 in the evening in America. It’s unwise for a woman to do that. That’s absurd.
GUTFELD: It’s — I tell people that come here. It’s like don’t do, you know, if you don’t have to go anywhere just stay home. That’s actually my advice for everybody.
HURT: But you’re — but you’re not a feminist if you aren’t appalled by the notion that a woman can’t walk down the street at 7:00 at night in New York City or anywhere else.
GUTFELD: That’s why — Kat, I’ve been able to get a complete stranger to drive you home after this show.
TIMPF: Oh, wow.
GUTFELD: Yes. Just I picked somebody off the —
HURT: Does she have a neck tattoo?
GUTFELD: Yes. She got a neck tattoo.
TIMPF: Is he hot?
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, I can’t tell.
TIMPF: Oh, OK.
GUTFELD: Is it getting better or worse where you live?
TIMPF: Yes. It’s —
GUTFELD: Give everybody your exact address.
TIMPF: That is a great idea. Thanks for looking out for me. I know — it’s not getting better, which is why it’s like, I don’t even know what to say about it anymore really. I mean, it’s — we’re all saying that — I can just say the same thing where I love, you know, like, what? I can’t say anything that I haven’t said before. The fact that they don’t care about violent crime, letting people out. You can’t be shocked by this. You can’t be shocked anymore.
GUTFELD: But that’s — so you’re — basically whenever we were about to do a crime story, this is the issue for all of us.
GUTFELD: It’s like, what do you say? It’s because it’s so mundane now, it’s so every single day that it’s like, what do you say? Nobody’s listening. Like the — because what you said at the beginning, the one-party rule means that there’s no brakes on the system.
TIMPF: Yes. And it’s not that I don’t care anymore. I certainly care because I have to live here.
TIMPF: And I would like to be able to take the subway and feel OK with that or walk around — walk my dog at night and feel OK with that. But at this time, I don’t.
GUTFELD: Yes. Lydia, do you — did you — I used to take the subway all the time. I haven’t taken the subway in two years.
GUTFELD: Yes. Are you still taking it?
MOYNIHAN: Yes, of course.
MOYNIHAN: I mean, it’s — I always — yes, I always feel a little nervous. And I recognize this was a poor choice of outfit given the green girl gang. I’m not saying I’m part of it. But you haven’t seen them and me.
GUTFELD: That is true. That is true.
MOYNIHAN: I — we talk about crime on the streets though. We don’t talk about crime in the stores.
MOYNIHAN: Going into a CVS now there is more security at CVS than Cartier five years ago. I mean, getting a tube of toothpaste is like a 30-minute endeavor. You have to get the manager.
GUTFELD: I hate that.
TIMPF: That’s why I stopped brushing my teeth.
MOYNIHAN: I — you know what, Oceans 14 could be set in a drugstore.
MOYNIHAN: It might be harder for George Clooney to get some deodorant.
GUTFELD: It’s so sad to me because nobody wants to be the guy that unlocks the — like they have to go — like four — it’s four steps, you go in, you look, it’s a lock. You got to go tell this guy then the guy gets on the phone. Everybody hates their job. They’re like this on the phone. (INAUDIBLE) we need help on Aisle 13. Yes (INAUDIBLE)
GUTFELD: And then suppositories. I meant to say suppositories. And then somebody else comes over, everybody has this look of just like they’d rather be anywhere else than there and they open the thing and then you look at, I don’t know if I want this anymore. Only one flavor? And then they put it back in and then I leave.
MOYNIHAN: Don’t you feel obligated to buy it?
GUTFELD: Yes. You do feel obligated.
MOYNIHAN: Yes. A hundred percent.
GUTFELD: You feel obligated to buy it because you did all this crap together to get this thing. Anyway, I probably talk too much about what I buy at CVS. They delivered it by the way.
MOYNIHAN: That’s a long receipt.
GUTFELD: Yes. It is a long receipt. Tell me about it. Story of my life on that receipt. Anyway, I guess I should move on. Up next. Democrat’s political tricks includes sites designed to get clicks.
GUTFELD: They’re using fake news to push liberal views, and promote Democrat cronies with news sites that are baloney. Dems are creating Web sites that look like legitimate news sources, but it really just propaganda designed to help Dems in the midterms. That’s according to Axios, the political site, not the Greek gymnasts who stole my wallet when I fell asleep. I still forgive you, Axios, if you call.
So, Web sites are pretending to be what they aren’t to trick people. I think that’s what Liz Cheney calls being a Republican. Whoa, more than 50 local news sites with innocuous newsy sounding names like the Milwaukee Metro Times, the Mecklenburg Herald, and Tri City Record, and MSNBC, have – – they’ve been popping up across the country in key battleground states and they all look the same: news content mixed with sports and other local news items, interspersed with biased political coverage aimed at boosting dem candidates and hitting Republicans.
It’s basically a political ad with high school football scores. But that news is about as real as Jesse’s hairpiece. Yes, I know. So obvious. So, who’s behind the net various plot to undermine the integrity of journalism and thus the bedrock of our democracy? David Brock, hardcore, left wing, Founder of Media Matters, the so-called media watchdog group. So, what happens when a lefty media watchdog decides to create fake media? Maybe he wasn’t a media watchdog all along? Not that the media cares, they used its talking points constantly, which may be why the media isn’t reporting on these fake sites right now.
It’s their primary source and they happen to agree with their fictions. You know, it reminds me of what my mom used to say. Greg, the truth shall set you free. Truth was the name of the guy used to chain me to the radiator. And he never did, Charlie. You’ve been in media for what? 50 years now? Is this a new thing? Or is it an old thing that’s applied in a different way, and have you run across this in your travels?
HURT: Yes, it’s like never a new thing, is it? It’s always something and it’s sort of an alteration. But it’s amazing, the idea that like the New York Times and The Washington Post and CNN don’t already lie enough for you.
HURT: They spent the last seven years making up every single lie peddling every lie you told them the most ridiculous lies that any normal person could look at. And say, that’s not — that did not happen on a hotel room bed in Moscow with that guy, that just did not happen. And they’re like, here it is, and they run with all of it. Completely incredulously.
GUTFELD: Yes, it’s, they have that, they have the playing field, they have the umpire they now, they just want to they want the ball, they want everything.
HURT: Yes, and it goes to show the great truism, which is and we say it a lot, but it’s true. Whatever they accuse other people of doing is what they’re doing. They are enthralled with this business about disinformation and misinformation. They’re the kings of it.
GUTFELD: Where is that lady?
HURT: Yes, that’s all they do.
GUTFELD: Kat, I get lectured every day about disinformation, and this is pure disinformation coming from the people who do the lectures like that crazy lady. What’s her name? Scary Poppins, can’t think of her name?
TIMPF: Nina Jankowicz.
GUTFELD: Nina Jankowicz.
GUTFELD: Why do you know her name? Why did this roll up your lips?
TIMPF: Because I’m smart and then well-informed?
GUTFELD: Oh, don’t clap for that. You’re just egging it on. So, anyway, are these much different than what we have as news anyway?
TIMPF: Yes, I actually, I went to one of these Web sites because again, wanting to stay really well informed. And I looked at the national news section and I was like: Man, I want to live in that country. The way they describe it was nothing negative, everything positive.
You know, the Inflation Reduction Act, and its historic this, historic that, consumers are having the best time, everyone loves their life without a sick, you know — it’s like, if you’re going to cheat on a test, don’t get yourself 100 percent because then people start to raise eyebrows.
GUTFELD: Get one wrong.
TIMPF: Not one negative thing about any Democrat anywhere on it.
GUTFELD: Sounds a lot like morning, Joe. Am I right, Lydia? Ooh. People crazy. Gets so upset about certain things. Who cares, right? I don’t know. That’s my question. Who cares? Answer it, Lydia. Why are you dodging the question?
MOYNIHAN: I’m a journalist. I don’t know. I maybe, I’m afraid to identify as a journalist after your previous comments.
GUTFELD: This is, yes, this is the — you should be bothered by this, right? Because, you’re a journalist.
MOYNIHAN: I am. No, it’s interesting, because I’m a reporter, and I’ve covered both business and politics. And in business, if you write a fake news story about a company, you are slapped with a defamation, a libel suit, maybe Gary Gensler throws you in jail, maybe not. But if you write a fake news story about politics, you get millions of dollars of venture capital money.
GUTFELD: Yes. Amazing.
MOYNIHAN: It’s wild.
HURT: But I think it’s a really important point. I think a lot, that’s a big reason why a lot of really terrible reporters wind up covering politics, because they can’t get sued for it — you get sued out of out of the —
GUTFELD: That’s why I left health journalism, right. I didn’t want to kill anybody, because you know, because I’m up all-night drinking, and then I start writing about some kind of new drug. It’s great. By the way, back then didn’t have the Internet, so I can actually ride it out.
MOYNIHAN: What kind of drugs you —
MOYNIHAN: What would the drugs you would recommend?
GUTFELD: Oh, I have no idea. They probably killed thousands. The — it’s media matters. Do you, are you familiar with them? Do you remember like, these are guys that would like try to get every conservative fired, claiming that they were making up and here they are making stuff up?
ZELDIN: Right. And so, the left wants to silence they want to get rid of this social media accounts, the voice of the right. You see, conservatives, we want to have a debate of ideas. We, we might disagree with you, but let’s have the best idea win the day.
I’ll tell you as a member of Congress, I’m currently serving my fourth term, I’ve seen how this all plays out from start to finish where you can get a story placed an anonymous source, everyone else picks up on it, and then it might actually end up turning into an FBI investigation.
They might be using it to get a new search warrant, they are able to create a special prosecutor and they’re able to hoard more power. And it all starts with what could be a single anonymous source —
GUTFELD: That’s all you need.
ZELDIN: — story to one person and then a roll with it. Yes, as you went through that list, you pointed out MSNBC and it was — yes, it’s like a joke, but not.
ZELDIN: And like all of these other outlets, they get used as, like the truth. And when people ask me, like, where should I go for news, I actually say the best thing for you to do if you can, is try to get a bun, read a bunch.
ZELDIN: But just know their different biases and form your own independent judgment. Conservatives don’t want to tell you how you’re supposed to think. We’re not supposed to insist that you have to think like us, we want you to be able to form your own independent opinion. But unfortunately, the left, they run out of good ideas and they’re at their end where all they can do is just try to cancel the right.
GUTFELD: I agree with you. I try to get both sides. And I would, I would suggest if you’re watching at home, don’t just you know, stuck on one thing and you know, go, go to the both sides, “FOX AND FRIENDS,” or you know, or me and Tucker. That’s like, so you can get a nice —
HURT: Or GUTFELD and “THE FIVE.”
GUTFELD: Yes. Coming up, I just spit — their mood with jolly when a judge said it’s OK to be —
GUTFELD: A judge says a (INAUDIBLE) has the same rights as a couple. It’s true this court vowed that threes no longer a crowd. A New York City judge, aren’t they all? Has ruled that polyamorous relationships deserve the same legal protections as two person relationships. The decision came out of where all beautiful love stories begin, housing court. Two guys were living together, but one of them was also married to another guy who lives somewhere else. And if you have trouble following any of that, then you must be a bigot. When the married guy died, the live-in boyfriend wanted to be able to pick up the lease.
The building’s owner said he couldn’t, but the judge ruled that this was wrong. That just because the relationship had three people in it instead of two, that didn’t mean it couldn’t be recognized, which opens the door for the rest of us. And with rented insurance costs the way they are, it seems like a smart financial move, which means that the next open house marry everyone who shows up. Or as we call it in the media is pulling a Geraldo. Kat, I can’t believe you wrote that joke. Do you care?
GUTFELD: Why not?
TIMPF: I don’t care if you five people want to get married. So, whatever, it’s like your real life, that doesn’t matter.
GUTFELD: What if you own a business? Let’s say you own Kat’s Flowers and Mange Removal. And you offer a great health care plan. And then Charlie shows up with his harem of 14 wives. And he’s got now they all got to go on your health care plan. That’s the problem. But you didn’t think of that smarty pants, oh, I studied. I study so much. We didn’t study that —
TIMPF: OK. I just, I don’t think this is going to be that popular of a thing. I think that most people like, you know, if they have a wife and a girlfriend, they keep the girlfriend secret. Exactly.
GUTFELD: You have a secret — Charlie is like, yes, I totally get that.
TIMPF: Not me.
GUTFELD: Lee, I’ve been thinking, why do we have to have marriage and divorce in the courts at all? Why can’t it be private stuff? Like, why can’t you do it? Like you’re buying a car? Or I don’t know, I don’t have any other analogies. I just ran out.
ZELDIN: Especially when you get those kids involved.
ZELDIN: And you’re fighting over stuff. Listen, they — it gets nasty inside the courts, but it would be even worse if you said, all right, just fight it out amongst yourself.
GUTFELD: Yes. Like, go to a park with those like those civil war re- enactors.
ZELDIN: Yes. And I would say, listen, I don’t want to see a judge deciding on their own some new precedent on this stuff. And they’re not, you know, through the ranks, there’s so many people to get appointed, many people there for ever. Just let the state legislature try to decide that stuff. I’ll let the people decide what they want. If they want to change the definition to allow Charlie to get married to 14 other people, like that’s not something for some judge in some court. It’s something for the people to decide.
GUTFELD: Well, then, how do they decide? That’s an interesting — Lydia, how would they decide? I don’t know. I’m asking you.
MOYNIHAN: I feel like I’m law school and I never went to law school.
GUTFELD: What research do you have?
MOYNIHAN: I’m very intrigued and perplexed by how this conversation is initiated. Like, what are the mechanics of having that conversation?
MOYNIHAN: What do you say? Like, I love you so much. I’m so happy in our relationship. This is everything I want. And I think we should sleep with other people.
MOYNIHAN: I just, I don’t know how you initiate that kind of conversation.
GUTFELD: I think you —
TIMPF: You got to make it seem like it’s the other person’s idea. Just like with everything.
TIMPF: Manipulation 101. Come one.
GUTFELD: How do you start the conversation with that?
TIMPF: You seem like, I just feel like I can’t give you all the attention that you deserve as such a wonderful person. So, I feel like I’m really holding you back, and we should both go out and see if we can get to know some other people. There you go.
MOYNIHAN: Worry for dummies.
GUTFELD: Charlie, what do you —
HURT: No, I agree with Kat. I think that it’s, I don’t think it’s terribly popular. You know, we look at this whole thing. We tend to always look at these things as being some big issues of principle. They’re not. They’re small-time scams. They’re just trying to like get rent control for a couple of months. It’s so, it’s stupid.
GUTFELD: It’s absolutely right. Almost everything that you, that is like OK, I’m like let’s take about like the I get the, the gender changing things in prisons and stuff. A lot of this is just a scam. So, you don’t go into a prison with a bunch of dudes.
HURT: Yes, and the only problem occurs when the people who are supposed to be in charge fall for it and take it seriously.
GUTFELD: Exactly, exactly, exactly. That’s a good — the guy just knocked up to women in a women’s prison. Do you see that?
HURT: Yes. Are you kidding me?
GUTFELD: It’s an American hero. No, he’s a terrible, it’s awful. It’s awful. I’m just saying that that’s, these are all scams. OK, we got to move on. They’re telling me to move on. Up next, when you’re worn out and tired celebs will keep you inspired.
ANNOUNCER: “A STORY IN FIVE WORDS.”
GUTFELD: Story in five words: celeb role models do help. Lydia, a poll finds that about 60 percent of people say a celebrity has gotten them through tough times. Do you have a celebrity role model? Don’t say me. It’s too late.
MOYNIHAN: No, I don’t. I mean, Queen Elizabeth, is she a celebrity?
GUTFELD: Didn’t she just die?
MOYNIHAN: Yes, she just died but she’s still a celebrity.
GUTFELD: That was just in the front of your brain, right? It was like she just died.
MOYNIHAN: Low hanging fruit.
MOYNIHAN: That’s —
GUTFELD: Well, at least you didn’t say Kanye West. You know, it’s funny. Kanye West to me. I will go to somebody else. I don’t want to get you in trouble. I would have said last week, I would have said Kanye West. It’s like, it’s like going to a casino with Kanye West. You bet, you win three hands, and then the last one you lose everything.
HURT: Yes, exactly. You want to be careful with Kanye.
GUTFELD: Do you have inspirational celebrity that makes —
HURT: I don’t, I don’t really pay attention to celebrity.
GUTFELD: You don’t?
HURT: No, I really.
GUTFELD: What kind of person are you?
HURT: No, but I think — I know, but I think —
GUTFELD: Celebrities are a royalty, Charlie?
HURT: Yes, I’ve no — I mean, I get why some people do, because we, but it’s not because they’re — it shouldn’t be because there’s celebrities. It shouldn’t be because, you know, we tend to see ourselves and other people that we read, that are doing things and —
GUTFELD: So, you see Hunter Biden as your inspiration?
HURT: I could never have hung with Hunter Biden.
GUTFELD: Hung is the word.
HURT: That’s not what I meant.
GUTFELD: I don’t know what you meant you pervert. I’m just here interpreting, interpreting the sick thoughts.
HURT: Can you go to her?
HURT: Can you go to her now?
GUTFELD: Lee is there any celebrity role model in your life?
ZELDIN: I learned a lot of what not to do watching celebrities. I mean, I think it is good to gain those lessons. I mean, if you want to get some of the good stuff in life, I’m, I’m one of those people you look at parents, you look at grandparents, you look at clergy, and there’s a lot of good role models decent people. And I’m a military guy. We walk around our dog tags.
GUTFELD: So, Kat — by the way, Kat’s a military guy.
TIMPF: I’m a half, I’m a half veteran.
GUTFELD: Yes, she’s a half veteran.
ZELDIN: It teach us loyalty, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, personal courage. These celebrities aren’t going to be teaching you the seven army values or anything close to it. You will learn something from celebrities, the best thing is to learn what not to do in life.
GUTFELD: Good point. What have you learned not to do? Not to do?
TIMPF: What have I learned not to do?
GUTFELD: Yes, from celebrities?
TIMPF: No, I’ve only learned that from doing it. I don’t know, a celebrity, I don’t care. I don’t care. When you, when you — when I’m going through something, you just keep getting out of bed.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true.
TIMPF: That’s it?
HURT: I just thought of my celebrity.
HURT: Thomas Jefferson.
TIMPF: That’s not –OK. Yes, mine is God.
HURT: OK, that’s not bad. That’s a good one.
GUTFELD: And on that note, don’t go away. We’ll be right back.
GUTFELD: We’re out of time. Thanks to Congressman Lee Zeldin, Lydia Moynihan, Charlie Hurt, Kat Timpf, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with Dreamy Trace Gallagher is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.
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